Totally Satisfy – Any Woman

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My partner and I were laying in bed the other night, watching Louis C.K.’s Live: At The Beacon Theatre. Louis begins talking about sex near the conclusion of his two-hour concert. The sexual relations between men and women are one of the simplest circumstances for comedians to make fun of since our incapacity to understand the opposing sex, paired with our desire to fulfill said sex, is rather amusing. When are we not messing up?

Louis makes a joke about guys being lousy at sex, hunching over the elevated tabletop chair and humping like a gimped rabbit. He mentions how males constantly label women as needy when they want to snuggle after sex. “She’s horny, not needy, you moron!” Because you didn’t do anything for her. You didn’t do anything. Her p*ssy is ablaze. Because it’s entirely unf*cked!” Respect.

Louis concludes, “If you f*ck a lady, she will leave you alone.”

I’ll tell you right now: Louis is completely correct. Do us well, and we’ll leave you alone after it’s finished, rolling over joyfully and passing asleep. Man, girls may become cum-drunk as well. How do you do us justice? Let’s get this party started.

I’ve learnt a lot about sex in my 28 years on this world. Mostly via practice. I like to believe I’m a fairly decent lay, but how do you tell when I’m not? When I don’t want to be there. We all do it from time to time. It takes two persons to have great sex (sometimes three).

Because everyone is different and craves various things in the sack, sex is all about intuition. It’s about being observant, about wanting to please your partner as much as you want to please yourself. You must listen to her body, obey her cues, and exude as much confidence as possible.
Kissing

Kissing is life and death. We won’t have sex with you if you come in hard, suck our tongues out, and leave our faces wet and filthy. We’ll take the walk. Kissing should be a game of cat and mouse. Follow her kisses everywhere she goes. After she gives you a small signal, slip your tongue in, use your tongue intelligently, and remember – you can go from alpha to beta in one kiss. Make use of your hands. Tilt her head and neck into yourself while holding her head and neck gently. Kiss her ears, cheeks, neck, and collarbone. Kiss her on the body, moving your hands over her back and shoulders. Tease. Have fun with her. Toy back, pull away. Kissing is cool when done as a tease. This is the pre-game period, when you tell her body what she’s in for once the clothes come off.
Undressing

Make use of your touch. With heat and power, we sometimes desire our clothing torn off. Sometimes we want our shirts slipped over our heads like in a soft-core porn movie. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough: you must experience the emotion. My lover once yanked out a knife from his belt and cut my panties off of me. It was so epic and scorching that I could have passed out right there. [Editor’s Note: Unless you’re in a long-term relationship, we don’t advocate this. Always exercise caution when handling knives, swords, and other sharp objects.]

Take advantage of our bodies, and I don’t mean this negatively, but touch us. Experiment with our breasts, tummy, and ass. Feel our lovely feminine curves. It’s vital how you move us from clothed to nude, so have fun with it. What can you do to surprise us? To make us laugh? To entice us to tell our friends about it the next day? You’d expect us to do the same to you, wouldn’t you?

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